So I haven’t been posting much. Jebus, save me from my readers. First I was hacked by Dawn Olsen. Then I get two angry comments from other (better) bloggers:

I’ve found it a lot more fun to do most things if I’m not constantly thinking, “How the hell am I gonna make this read well?”

The Hell You Say!!

Isaac in Cambridge

An existential crisis ALREADY? How long did you blog consistently for? Six, seven weeks? Get it together, lad. Don’t ask for readers then let us all down …

marc weisblott

All I said was I was tired of thinking in blog all the time. I didn’t say I’d never post again, nor do I think that this rises to the level of crisis; existential, missile, bubblegum, or otherwise. Plus: the entire month of July, three posts? The plank in your own eye, college boy.

But this takes the cake, eats it, and fuck-all to bread: I’m being sued by a drunken Dawn Olsen fan (no, I’m not suing myself for attention! This is for real):

Blogosphere (AP) – A lawsuit filed today seeks $1 meeaaaallliooonn in damages from Matt Moore, proprieter of the web log “The Blog of the Century of the Week,” for failure to adequately blog. Named as a co-defendant was Scott Ganz of “Captain Scott’s Electric Love Bunker.”

Plaintiff in the suit, The Society for Corporate Associate Time Suckage (SCAT(s)), released a statement saying, “These men, or should we say boys, promise so much but deliver so little. Their package just isn’t what it seems. Having created a blog, updated it regularly and created a faithful following, they have no right to stop, take time off for personal reasons or even have a life away from their keyboard.”

Ganz was the first to issue a statement in response to the suit. “Hey, I have a right to a life. First I fact checked their asses over at WarbloggerWatch then I just checked out their asses. I hope Dr. Menlo doesn’t find out I’m cheating on him with Jason Lubyk. I thought they were just fucked up until I found out they were great fucks.”

Moore later commented, “I’ve had personnal business to attend to. Do you think it’s easy to maintain a haircut this bad?”

Tennessee Jayhawk, president of SCAT(s), said that he was disappointed, in the Tom Daschle sense, that these men would commit such a grevious foul against their readership. “Faithfulness means nothing to these men.” Mr. Jayhawk said. He went on to say that even though Dawn Olsen of “Up Yours and More Helpful Tips” is hot, sexy, funny and clever, her blogging isn’t enough for the average corporate or government employee to rely on to waste an entire afternoon. “These men, or potentially cute boys,” Mr. Jayhawk sneered, “don’t really appreciate the responsiblity they’ve undertaken.”

The suit, filed in the Southern District of Blogger.com, seeks damages because the boys, having sucked their readers in, left them unsatisfied, unable to finish their daily blog stroll. It seeks a permanent injunction requiring the two bloggers to update their sites on at least a daily basis, more often if possible.

1. This horrible haircut is extremely easy to maintain.

2. I’m a man: after all, I spell him H – I – M.

3. When this suit makes it to court, it’s gonna be a circus just this side of Moussaoui. With co-defendants like these, who needs crazed self-representation? Scott is already on the record that I’m a jackal, and I’m pretty sure that “Barely disguised envy at another’s popularity!” refers to me, too. I thought it was obvious that my envy was naked, out, loud and proud, but I’m not much of a writer.

4. If Dawn would tone down the steamy pictures, I’d be a lot more comfortable blogging from work. [Eric] Damn, woman! [/Eric] It used to be I just had to be careful not to hit Large American Penis and the Unablogger. Scene: Matt is looking at hot pictures of a married woman seductively covering her nips. One of the many Mormon managers comes around the cube wall. Rending of clothes, gnashing of teeth, packing of cardboard box, and all my co-workers are pissed at me: now they have to memorize new passwords.

How about we make a deal? If ya’ll keep sending me interesting emails, I’ll blog daily.

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