Pej — I’m sorry. That was rude.
Vodka — I’m sorry. I’m the asshole.
Pierce — No tiff starting intended. I actually meant that as a compliment, if you can believe that.
Personal attacks are stupid and immature, and I attempt to refrain from making them. I slipped up in that chat. No excuse for it. I’m truly sorry.
If anyone’s feelings are still hurt, this always cheers me up.
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Yes, Jim, the soul-searching has begun.
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This was probably the last time I’ll do a group chat with other bloggers.
The cutely conniving Dawn Olsen has also picked my theme song. I agree I’ve got “angst in my pants,” but I don’t think I’m really in the closet about it.
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When I posted the link to the compatibility test, I didn’t expect to get much response. There are so many “fun” web tests that I thought this one would get ignored. You click the link, and are presented with a screen of twenty-seven boring questions. And you can’t even vote Yes or No, you have to rate your agreement with the question from zero to five. That’s almost having to do math! It reminded me of the stupid test I had to take to get a Psych credit in college. Oooh, Psych. The only class I had that was stocked with comely women.
I was even more stunned when the results started flowing in. It seems that nearly everyone who reads this blog is a cynical, lazy, (but well-read!) loner. It makes a certain amount of sense: you’re reading this because you are too lackadaisical to write your own pessimistic thoughts for all the world to see. Please try to find the psychoactive drug that will help you.
Dawn Olsen tried it first, and came in at 70% similar and 71% complementary. Not surprising, Dawn and I are good blogbuddies and all.
Then some Brett in Australia scored 94/92. I freaked out. This was the Aussie Matt Moore! Little did I know that there are other me’s scattered all across the globe.
Next up was none@howhere.net. Mr. None was a respectable 86/82, and I was reassured that I was at least 15% different than some anonymous wuss.
I hope that xxxnellygurl responds to my email. And I hope she actually is a gurl, and not a, err, bouy? 86/86
Another of my many doppelgangers showed next at 94/94 and blatantly tried to use it to gain my linkship.
Pointy-headed liberal Owen Rodgers still won’t give me that really tall, doofy guy blow-job I’ve always wanted, even though he hit 83/82.
Rick Grime finally proved that he is only a slightly tweaked figment of my imagination, and that all I really need to do is look deep inside and learn to love myself. Hold me, Matt/Rick! 94/94
Ms. Moe and Mr. Olken came aboard and scored 66/67 and 81/83 respectively. Finally, I thought. Some well-balanced, healthy individuals that enjoy TBOTCOTW. But a mere eight minutes later they both took the test again and (un)improved their scores to 81/80 and an amazing 93/96. They read this blog for about five minutes and were pushed that much further towards the anxious twitching that is eau de Matt Moore.
I really should take TBOTCOTW down before I’m sued into receivership for causing mental anguish.
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But, as always, I’m a raging self-hating hypocrite, so find out if you are compatible with me. A high number is probably not a good thing.
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Finally, more updates to KylieWatch! I don’t know how I survived all these two and a half weeks without inanity-filled updates on that short yet beautiful Aussie bum-lookee. Oh, now I remember! I gained sustenance from the JacquelineWatch.
Dude, Owen, you truly picked the exact wrong moment to take a blogcation. Do you have any idea how much traffic Wasted Bandwidth would have gotten if you’d put up one post last week? One measly post about anything remotely related to Kylie Minogue. I would have linked it and hundreds, nay thousands, of sex-starved blog groupies would have flocked to your site. As it is, you even managed to lose the coveted top link in my Links section because I narcissistically chose to blogroll my own interview! I weep for your (indeed, all of blogdom’s) loss.
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If you’re familiar with the blog at all, you know I drop the f-bomb with a fair amount of frequency. I don’t do this to shock, at least not conciously, I do it because that’s the way I talk. Except in front of Mom. Or in serious business settings. Luckily my mother and my manager don’t know about this blog. Let’s keep it that way, please.
Lileks is a classy blogger, though. He doesn’t cuss very often, even in his spleen-emptying screeds. But, wow, The Wire really pissed him off. I might have mentioned this show previously (don’t remember, don’t feel like searching for the post), and I was gonna write a brief review, but now it’s unecessary. I agree with Lileks almost totally, except that I didn’t notice the filthy language at all. Probably a generational thing. I’d also guess that foul language is pretty common among narc/homicide cops and those they pursue. So at least the show is realistic in that regard. Realistic and awful.
Thank you, Jimmy.
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We’ll get to that in a second. First, the requisite lame introduction. The ridiculous poll that no one ever thought would end is finally over. If this poll was done over again (and it won’t. Ever. I pinkie-swear) a few things would be done differently: you’d be able to automagically nominate your own choice for sexiest, every woman would be required to post high-rez sexy pics, polling would last only three days, and I’d charge a dollar per vote. Hey, I’ve got a trip to Vegas to fund here.
Thanks go to a. beam for his help with this post. Anything funny that follows is his.
With no further tangential ado:
10. Anna Pickard - little.red.boat — Why, and do excuse me here, the Fuck does she not think she’s sexy? She’d be sexy even if her name was Amy.
9. Emmanuelle Richard - Emmanuelle.net — We get her, the French get Jerry Lewis! Score!
8. Bitter Girl — One so bitter never tasted so sweet.
7. Virginia Postrel - The Scene — Are you Hot for Teacher? So am I!
6. Dawn Olsen - Up Yours — Hell yea, she’s about three parties waiting for someone to call the cops, but admit it! You want that sometimes!
5. Rebecca St. Amand - sweat flavored gummi — Oh, how I wish that my wooing had any effect on the gummi. Imagine the mashed potatoes we would make.
4. Natalija Radic - Libertarian Samizdata — Just click the link and find the pictures. Hot beyond belief.
3. Jane Galt - Live from the WTC — “She’s been Ayn Randed/Nearly branded/A sexy blogger/’Cause we’re left-handed/That’s the hand we use…/Well, never mind.”
2. Heather Havrilesky - Rabbit Blog — The Rabbit says this woman of Russian extraction and alliterative name is a tarty little tease, and I always believe rodents. Plus, she always has a suggestive URL!
And the number one, the ultimate in feminine blogger desirability, is Raven Wolf of The Randomness of Ravenwolf. Ms. Wolf led nearly from wire to wire, only briefly relinquishing the top spot to Rebecca St. Amand, Jane Galt, and Dawn Olsen, with a final surge at the end to beat Heather Havrilesky, the 3-1 favorite with my local bookie, by a (sexy, I’m sure) nose. The Sexiest Female Blogger is many more things than just that title. She is also the Sexiest Female IRC Denizen, the Sexiest Female Gamer, and the Sexiest Female Sci-Fi Fan. If there are geeks around, and the Raven walks by: lumbago.
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Heather Havrilesky and Raven Wolf are locked in a fierce battle with only thirty minutes to go. They’ve been neck-and-neck all day, with several lead changes and surges in momentum from both camps. Getchyer votes in now, and help decide who is the Sexiest Female Blogger in the world!
Update: Fin. EOP. The lights are off, the doors are locked, the poll is out of business. Results will be posted sometime this evening.
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